Evolve Your World November 2015

Imagine what you could achieve if you had consistent alignment between your thoughts, feelings and actions?

The 2 Day Personal Breakthrough Workshop Where Neuro-Science Meets Ancient Wisdom Traditions.

Wellington – 14th-15th November
Investment – $150.00 includes GST and Morning and Afternoon Tea both days
Make the most of this VERY SPECIAL OFFER
This workshop is normally $495.00 + GST

To register please contact:

Mal Winnie – mal.winnie@stand-out.co.nz – Phone – 021 2272680
Michelle Dalley – michelle.dalley@jadecoaching.co.nz – Phone – 027 – 4492030

To read the brochure in full please Evolve Your World Flyer – November 2015


October 27, 2015 at 2:05 am Leave a comment

Evolve Your World

My colleague Mal and I are running a special workshop where we’ll be sharing some of the latest findings in Neuroscience and taking you through several powerful processes to effect change in your life.

To read the flyer describing the workshop click on Evolve Your World flyer. If you’re interested in learning more about the workshop or would like to register please e-mail or call me on (04) 472 1499.

July 16, 2015 at 4:21 am Leave a comment

Evolve Your World

My colleague Mal and I are running a special workshop where we’ll be sharing some of the latest findings in Neuroscience and taking you through several powerful processes to effect change in your life.

To read the flyer describing the workshop click on Evolve Your World brochure here. If you’re interested in learning more about the workshop or would like to register please e-mail or call me on (04) 472 1499.

May 19, 2015 at 1:49 am Leave a comment

What makes a Great Coach?

It’s fabulous to see so many organisations now appreciating the value of developing their Leaders as Coaches.  I’m often asked “what makes someone a Great Coach”?  This is a big question as there are different styles of coaching and many different styles of Coach – all of which can be effective given the particular situation and the needs of the Coachee.

I’ll attempt to answer this question based on my own experience of working with a variety of Coaches and also in training people to become Coaches.   Here’s what I consider makes someone a “Great Coach”:

Skilled in Coaching Philosophy & Principles
Very few people become Great Coaches without some form of training, mentoring or coaching themselves.  In fact in my experience one of the key differences that takes a Coach from “good to great” is their commitment to ongoing personal and professional development.  Coaching is both a science and an art form – there are processes, frameworks and principles to learn coupled with the intuition of the Coach.

Advanced Communication Skills
Coaching is all about communication at both conscious and unconscious levels.  The Great Coach can quickly build rapport (essential in creating trust and openness) and is an exceptional listener – listening at many levels of what is being said and not being said and how it’s being said.  The Great Coach is also artful at asking powerful questions that expand and challenge the thinking of the Coachee.

Outcomes Focussed
One of the key roles of the Coach is to keep the Coachee focussed on the end goal or outcome. The Great Coach facilitates conversations and assigns tasks with a view to helping the Coachee stay on track and accountable for what they want.

No Agenda or Judgements
One of the biggest challenges a Coach can face is letting go of their own ideas about what they think the Coachee should do.  Likewise, letting go of judgements that may arise about the Coachee, their situation or other people involved.  The Great Coach has strong self-awareness, understanding their own triggers and taking steps to come back to a neutral place of coaching.

Patience & Flexibility
Coaching another person can take patience and persistence: persistence to work out the best coaching approach with the Coachee and their situation and patience to not rush the internal processing of the Coachee.  The Great Coach also exercises flexibility in their approach as one size of coaching does not fit all – the combination of an individual and their situation is unique – the Great Coach understands this and will challenge themselves not to be complacent and notice when they start using a “formulaic approach”.

Genuine Interest & Caring for Others
The Great Coach knows that to positively connect with and influence another person requires a genuine interest in and caring for people.  This is different to becoming friends with the Coachee.  The Great Coach is passionately curious about others – asking questions without judging and really seeking to understand how the Coachee does their world.

In short, Great Coaches come from all walks of life and coaching methodologies; they know how to connect with people, how to create change and how to get results.  So, would you make a “Great Coach”?  Find out how on our next Level 1: Coaching Essentials Intensive Coach Training programme scheduled for 4 & 5 November.  Contact us for a registration pack.

Wishing you a great week,

Essentially Coaching

If you are interested in attending our Coach training please find the upcoming dates:

Level 1: Coaching Essentials Intensive – 2 days

Choose from: 4 & 5 November 2014 or 27 & 28 January 2015

To find out more about Essentially Coaching visit our website

Coaching Tip – Get Hired First!

Have you ever tried to coach someone and they just keep resisting you? The first thing to check is: Am I actually hired as their coach?

It’s as simple as asking “would you like me to coach you on this?” Without this agreement upfront you could be wasting your energy and creating frustration for you and the other person.

October 7, 2014 at 1:37 am Leave a comment

How to avoid a Merry Stressmas!


As we near December have you noticed that there’s a tendency to need to get a million things done…all at once…or at least before the end of the year?   Like there’s some kind of significant consequence that will bestow us if “everything” isn’t complete or dealt with by then?!

In my experience this craziness is largely self imposed.  Expectations we’ve placed on ourselves for what should have been done during the year (and have often put off) or feeling like we need to start the New Year from a “clean slate”.  Consequently, instead of winding down into the Christmas holidays we often speed up…heading towards them like a bullet train…and we arrive at our holiday break feeling too exhausted to enjoy it.  Does any of this sound familiar?

Let’s take a look at how you can avoid this trap with simple strategies that you can put in place now to help lead you into the end of the year feeling in control, looking forward to celebrations and ready to make the most of your holidays:

1. Decide what’s important

Get clear on what is actually important for you to do by the end of the year.   Get realistic about what can actually be achieved within the timeframe and prioritise your focus.  Consider this holistically i.e. work, relationships, exercise, relaxation, socialising etc.  Make a list and set simple, clear goals for yourself.

2. Plan for success

At the start of each week create a plan for the week ahead, focussing on what’s on your list of important items.  Schedule in some reactive time e.g. one hour each day to cater for unexpected events – if none arise you can use the time to get ahead on important items or use it to regenerate yourself.

3. Decide how you want to be “being”

Imagine yourself in the future spending your Christmas break how you’d like to be spending it.  Imagine the environment around you – what you’re seeing, the sounds around you and as you imagine this notice how you’re feeling.  Really take some time to enjoy this experience.  Now, look back on the past six weeks leading up to this point and ask yourself what has enabled you to be feeling this way?  How have you been during these past six weeks as you’ve prepared for this moment?  Maybe you’ve been organised, focussed, had a ‘can do’ attitude or perhaps you’ve been taking good care of yourself…or something else.  Take note of the things you’ve imagined you’ve done to get you to this point of how you want to be feeling – actively start putting them in place now.

4. Slow down

This may seem like the opposite thing to do when you’re trying to get a lot done.  In actual fact slowing down can help you get things done faster.  Let me explain.  Have you ever noticed that when you’re speeding along that you don’t have time to stop for important things e.g. you need to get somewhere quickly and you don’t have time to stop for petrol! Perhaps you’re trying to get a report finished and you can’t stop for lunch – you notice your mind isn’t thinking as clearly…  Steven Covey refers to taking this time as “Sharpening the Saw”.  As you’re busy trying to get things done take a breath and consider where you might need to “sharpen the saw”.

5. Learn to say no

In addition to what you’re trying to achieve there is so much going on at this time of the year – other people trying to get their things done; family making requests and social occasions/functions to attend.  Be discerning with your time and learn how and when to say “no”.   Follow these simple steps:

·Pause and allow yourself to consider whether it’s important for you to agree to the request.
·If not, thank the person for asking you e.g. “Thank you for thinking of me”; “Thank you for the lovely invite”, “Thank you for asking me to do this task” etc
·Keep it simple in your response e.g. “I won’t be able to do that”; “I already have plans that day”; “I won’t be able to come” etc

If you do decide that another person’s request is important to you stop and consider the actual timeline you have available and negotiate.  You’ll be surprised how often people say they need something urgently when in fact there is more time.

6. Make stress your friend

I know this sounds odd.  However the latest research shows that the effects of stress are not so much caused by the experience itself but rather by how we think about stress.  If you relate with experiences as stressful and that means it’s a bad thing then you are more likely to feel the physiological effects of stress i.e. constricted blood vessels.  However, if you relate with your experience as helpful this actually changes the physiological response in the body i.e. the blood vessels stay relaxed and the physiological response resembles that of courage and joy.  The research showed that when people related with stress as helpful it removed their risk of early death due to stress symptoms in the body; conversely when people related with their experiences as stressful this increased their risk of early death due to stress symptoms by over 40%.   So, next time you’re feeling stressed rather than thinking “I’m stressed, this is bad for me” try relating with it as helpful and say something like, “this is my body helping me rise to this challenge”.

7. Be with your friends

The same studies mentioned above also identified that one of the key ways to increase resilience is to spend time with friends.  One of the chemicals released under stress is oxytocin.  Oxytocin helps our body to recover from stress and it’s also the chemical that influences us to want to be connected with others.   So, when you choose to reach out and connect with others in stressful situations you choose resilience.

So, if you take some time to put in place these simple strategies you’ll more likely be able to enjoy your holiday break and others will more likely enjoy being with you!

On that note – we wish you and your families a relaxing, connecting and fun time this holiday season.  Thank you for your support and we look forward to connecting again with you soon.

December 5, 2013 at 12:20 am Leave a comment

Working on the “business of being you”…

As some of you will know it’s a real challenge when you’re self employed to step back and work on your business rather than get caught in the day to day delivery of solutions!  It requires taking a break from the day to day “busyness”; thinking about purpose and taking that helicopter view of the future before proactively diving down into specific areas for action and growth.

In many ways it’s a similar process to working on “you”.  How often do you get caught in the “busyness” of day to day?  Reacting to whatever’s occurring at the time and feeling like there just isn’t enough time to get it all done.  You may have even asked yourself “what’s it all for?”  If this sounds familiar you may well be in need of taking some time to work on the “business of being you”.
I’m extremely lucky to be a trainer and coach with a wonderful programme called “The Art of Deliberate Success™” (TADS) which was developed by Dr David Keane and is the product of his research spanning more than 20 years, into what makes people successful.  I love working on this programme because it literally changes people’s lives.   Let me share with you some of the key elements of TADS:
Getting clear on your purpose: why are you here?  What makes your life feel meaningful?  What do you want to be remembered for?  Big questions aye?!  Well, these are pertinent questions to answer if you ever find yourself wondering “what’s it all for?!”, “why am I doing this?!”, “there must be more to life than this…?!”  Understanding your purpose is so important as it’s like a compass, keeping you headed in the right direction.  There are many techniques for connecting in with your purpose.  What it takes is for you to make it a priority and put time aside to do the thinking (give yourself an hour initially).  One technique is to first get clear on your values (what’s important to you) and the way you want your life to be; reflecting on this information find yourself a quiet place and free write for ten minutes with no analysis or judgement.  Next, create a statement that represents where you’re going.  This becomes your compass or guide for choosing how you spend your time and energy.
Knowing you have choice: taking a proactive approach and taking responsibility for your situation/experience gives you more choices in life.  Simply relating with your experiences, whatever they may be, as if you have some choice puts you in a position of being empowered.  It also sets you up to be proactive, rather than reactive to the day to day experiences.  When you’re working with your purpose and coming from a proactive place of choice and responsibility that means that you’re in charge of your experience.  If you ever find yourself doubting you have choice I recommend reading “Man’s search for meaning” by Viktor Frankl.
Being proactive: think about the people you know in your life who are proactive – what are their characteristics?  You may notice several things…their use of language and their general attitude; clarity on what’s right for them; taking action; focussing their time and energy on what’s important to them.
Focussing your time and energy: when you’re being proactive you can make choices about how you spend your valuable time and energy.  By aligning these choices with your life purpose you can proactively plan the activities you do on a week by week basis – this is the secret to getting out of the cycle of “busyness”.   If you knew you had choice what would you be choosing to add into your diary this week? These are just some of the key traits of truly successful people who understand the value of working on the “business of being you”. 


October 1, 2013 at 2:52 am Leave a comment

Feedback that gets results

I need to give you some feedback…”  There’s something about that sentence that automatically triggers a response in us.

Maybe it’s a moment of shock or a desire to get away from the situation.  It could even be a sense of having to defend ourselves.  All of these responses are perfectly natural, thanks to how our brain operates.  For most people the experience of being given corrective feedback triggers a limbic brain response and we move into fight, flight or freeze mode.  As you can imagine none of these responses are that effective in helping us actually be able to constructively take in the feedback.

Herein lies the challenge for people leaders; “how can we ensure we make it as easy as possible for our feedback to be heard and create positive change?”  We know that when effective, feedback can make a difference to performance and results, and also to job satisfaction.

Michelle recently spoke on this topic to an interest group at the Wellington HR Institute (HRINZ).

Here’s some simple tips:

>The quality of the relationship between the giver & receiver of the feedback will directly impact the effectiveness.  It is easier to both give and receive feedback when there is trust & openness.

>Create a culture that has a higher focus on positive reinforcement, building a resilience buffer for the corrective feedback.

>Approach corrective feedback as useful information to help get the person back on track.  At this stage reprimanding can be counter-productive.

>Provide the feedback as specifically as possible and then coach the recipient to discover their own solutions; creating autonomy and engagement.

>The timing of feedback is crucial.  It’s best to provide it when it can be put into practice, rather than waiting until e.g. the next appraisal.

Being effective at giving feedback and coaching for outcomes is an invaluable leadership skill that requires both practice and authenticity.

Are you ready to take on the challenge?

October 17, 2011 at 4:38 am Leave a comment

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Michelle Dalley

Leadership Coach and NLP Practitioner